of thought broadcasting and ukhuwwah
by admin on Mar.04, 2010, under MbChB, jalan dakwah, life tadabbur
QS. Ali Imran (3) : 103
Dan berpeganglah kamu semuanya kepada tali (agama) Allah, dan janganlah kamu bercerai berai, dan ingatlah akan nikmat Allah kepadamu ketika kamu dahulu (masa Jahiliyah) bermusuh-musuhan, maka Allah menjinakkan antara hatimu, lalu menjadilah kamu karena nikmat Allah orang-orang yang bersaudara; dan kamu telah berada di tepi jurang neraka, lalu Allah menyelamatkan kamu dari padanya. Demikianlah Allah menerangkan ayat-ayat-Nya kepadamu, agar kamu mendapat petunjuk.
It was quite intentional- screaming out my stressfulness on fb. And writing a sharp stern email helped as well, resulting in a few phone calls and messages asking if I were stressed out due to Tamni, and offers to lend ears should I need some to vent.
Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.
I didn’t answer any calls yesterday, partly as to not having another person giving 10 reasons why I should accept their mutarabbi eventhough it is not only way past the deadline, the quota has been exceeded by up to 20 people! Part of it was just being stressed out.
But just now I picked the phone up, and talked to an ukhti, was reassured that after trying so hard, insyaallah Allah will help make the space seem big and not cramped, and she also gave me a quick downshow of schizophrenia and gave helpful tips and advice for the upcoming exams!
And then called by another ukhti, a doctor, who is going to ask me questions to help me with my exams!
Alhamdulillah.. for the ni’mah of ukhuwwah on this road.
What better reason is there to love another human, than because of Allah taala?
QS. al-Anfal (8) : 63
Dan yang mempersatukan hati mereka (orang-orang yang beriman). Walaupun kamu membelanjakan semua (kekayaan) yang berada di bumi, niscaya kamu tidak dapat mempersatukan hati mereka, akan tetapi Allah telah mempersatukan hati mereka. Sesungguhnya Dia Maha Perkasa lagi Maha Bijaksana.
May Allah bless us all with never-ending ukhuwwah and forgiveness from Him, and help us pass our exams! Aamiiin.
a lonely struggle
by admin on Feb.25, 2010, under Uncategorized
she needs to pass this test.
Allah help her, please?
She may be a very bad servant to you.. But she believes in you. Please, help her win.
No one can help her, Allah but you.
Pretty please?
She’d really, really like to close the pandora box.
Forever.
Crossing the bridge
by admin on Feb.25, 2010, under life tadabbur
Tiba-tiba teringat kata-kata psychotherapist semalam, semasa kami berjumpa seorang wanita yang didera suaminya. Baru-baru ini beliau dimasukkan ke wad, kerana kesukaran untuk beliau adaptasi kehidupan tanpa seorang suami pendera.
Wanita itu bertanya, “What if it happens again?”
Kata psychotherapist “It is highly unlikely that it happens again. But if it happens, it’s okay. And we will deal with it, then.”
Sometimes it is okay to live the day minute by minute. And cross the bridge when we get to it.
Hurm.
Why does it have to be so hard?
by admin on Feb.24, 2010, under blog-related, hikmatusy-syuyukh
I am embarassed at the grammatical errors in my entries. I wince everytime I see one, and grimace in utter shame at my language.
It has been a lifetime since I last read a novel, hence the rusty language and repetitive vocabulary.
It’ll probably do me good to read one, after I finish these essays for psychiatry.
Ignore this entry, if you are not a picky reader who gets disgruntled with bad language, like me. Me being me, I wince at others’ grammatical errors. And hence the embarassment at reading my own writing goes over the top.
Huuuu.
Rabbuna yusahhil.
I will also be having my exams next month, and March is indeed a busy month. Allah bless the naqibah who has been strict with my schedule. It is indeed a skill, to mitigate with the ones overly active, and to cajole the ones who are overt avoiders.
May Allah bless her, speed her PhD progress, forgive her sins and keep her on this path forever.
With love, aliyyahsmall things, big repercussions
by admin on Feb.24, 2010, under life tadabbur
A newspaper reported an incident where a primary school student fractured his leg after being tripped by a fellow friend at school, wanting to pull his leg. Figuratively, and I guess, managed to do so practically.
It reminded me of a similar occurence to me in standard 4. I was walking into the class after recess, and as I approached near the muallim’s desk, my eyes wandered to the papers; results of our mid year exams were out and I was excited to learn my Arabic marks. But not wanting to look too eager, and partly feared being disappointed that I would not get 100%, I walked past the desk yet still having my gaze fixated on Muallim Zikri’s piece of paper.
Suddenly, dang. The next thing I knew, I was on the cement, head downwards. My glasses were thrown half a meter away, and there was blood on the floor, with 2 halves of teeth.
While I wasn’t that much worried about the teeth then, as I was much in pain, it later became a sigificant part of my life- I came to have 2 crooked, half-length front teeth on that day.
It has since been rectified, with a humongous bill from Dr. Zalinda.
Though I barely mind it now, my teeth does still look a little bit weird.
I still remember that certain banin. From time to time, when the trip to the dentist creeps up into the conversation, baba or ummi would ask- “Banin tu buat apa sekarang kakak?” or “Bila kita nak hantar bil pada banin tu?”
Hehe.
Although there was a time during secondary school when I was very conscious about my looks that I hated him very much for it, I have long forgiven him and hold no grudge against him.
It was a small thing, a prank most 10-year old kids wouldn’t think twice of doing. Yet, in the boy’s case, he fractured a bone. And I lost 2 teeth.
Small things, big repercussions.
Amplification, in the right direction, creates ripples of islah. Flip the coin the wrong side, you fall into a deep, black hole.
Dan perumpamaan orang-orang yang membelanjakan hartanya karena mencari keridhaan Allah dan untuk keteguhan jiwa mereka, seperti sebuah kebun yang terletak di dataran tinggi yang disiram oleh hujan lebat, maka kebun itu menghasilkan buahnya dua kali lipat. Jika hujan lebat tidak menyiraminya, maka hujan gerimis (pun memadai). Dan Allah Maha Melihat apa yang kamu perbuat.
QS. al-Baqarah (2) : 265Apakah ada salah seorang di antaramu yang ingin mempunyai kebun kurma dan anggur yang mengalir di bawahnya sungai-sungai; dia mempunyai dalam kebun itu segala macam buah-buahan, kemudian datanglah masa tua pada orang itu sedang dia mempunyai keturunan yang masih kecil-kecil. Maka kebun itu ditiup angin keras yang mengandung api, lalu terbakarlah. Demikianlah Allah menerangkan ayat-ayat-Nya kepada kamu supaya kamu memikirkannya.
QS. al-Baqarah (2) : 266
On amplification, without relation to my crooked teeth.
A man can only do so much. But together, as a solid cemented rank, and with taufiq from Allah, victory comes about. Monumental reform takes place.
May our deeds, as insignificant we may feel as an individual, be part of that amplification process, and may Allah bless us with amplified rewards and the ultimate triumph: to meet Him and be part of His Jannah community.
Aamiiin aamiiin aamiiiin.
Hold on, dear
by admin on Feb.23, 2010, under lyrics
Am in the midst of writing up my long case, SSC and ethics case report, hence the writer’s block.
But a tribute, from al-ukht al-mahbubah maya, which I dedicate to my sayang-sayang here.
May Allah help you, along this way, to His path..
Too much a man to be crying in plain sight
Finds himself at the beginning again
Can’t understand why he can’t break this sin
I don’t know who said that it was easy
To conquer the world that exists inside of me
My lights are dim and the roads are dark
But the night’s always darkest just before dawn
And you know that you’re growing when you find yourself down on your knees
It’s the trials of life, it’s the rain and the light that make you more than just your dreams
She’s like a boat that’s caught in the storm
Sees the sun through the clouds but she can’t stay warm
Now she’s in pain and she can’t bear the load
But she don’t know there’s something better down the road
Everything life is born then it dies
After the storms the rooted plants do rise
So let pain die and plant yourself deep
’till this whole wide world falls down at your feet
Then, you say that you want the love of your life, but you give up too easily
It’s the eyes wide as you fall that make you see
Tug-of-war
by admin on Feb.16, 2010, under jalan dakwah, life tadabbur
A mother seeking to nurture a child, into developing holistically can neither scold all the time nor be genteel all the time.
It is a tugging rope struggle.
Which teaches you sabr, for you may want to reprimand the child every time he/she makes mistake. Or shake the hell out of them, forgive the pun, and wished they’d get some sense. Quite contrarily, most of the time, that does not happen, and the only thing you get is releasing the anger in you.
You have to let them walk, sometimes, though they may fall. And let them be stray away a bit but keep your eyes on them.
It is hard. And to complicate the scenario, no two children are the same.. And no two era are the same.
But because they are your cherished children, you persevere. You pray all day all night, that each time you tug a bit closer, or led the rope slide away a bit, you are doing the correct thing. You’re playing your cards right.
Though you never know that.
What about children of no blood status?
Hurm.. Belai dan bersabar.
Sabar, sabar, sabar.
La taghdhab, la taghdhab, la taghdhab.
As a murabbi once said, in no circumstances can you ever cut short the relationship, however deep the ship’s sinking.
Selagi orang nak, biarpun amal tunjuk otherwise, harus sabar, sabar, sabar.
Siapa kata it is all about them understanding this road.. Maybe it was specially designed for us- a lesson of sabr, and they, are merely, part of the cast.
Sabar, sabar, sabar.
Menitip kesabaran Nabi Nuh, kasih sayang ar-Rasul pada Abu Jahal, dan perseverance Mus’ab mengetuk setiap pintu…QS. al-Anbiya (21) : 87
Dan (ingatlah kisah) Dzun Nun (Yunus), ketika ia pergi dalam keadaan marah, lalu ia menyangka bahwa Kami tidak akan mempersempitnya (menyulitkannya), maka ia menyeru dalam tempat yang sangat gelap: “Bahwa tidak ada Tuhan selain Engkau, Maha Suci Engkau, sesungguhnya aku adalah termasuk orang-orang yang zalim.”.
Adventures with Wafa’: the prologue
by admin on Feb.14, 2010, under jalan dakwah, life tadabbur
I used to utterly loath driving. And I still do, to a certain extend. I hated it so much, that even a car unused at home and a neighbourhood deprived of public transport did not push me to the steering wheel.
I remember Ummi threatening me, that she would not give a cent if I were to take a refresher course a few years from now, when I start working, to start driving again. Being adamant that I would be married by then, I simply shook my head and said, “OK”.
Ungrateful creature hehehe.
I had a phobia against driving. My driving course took twice as long as others, as I kept cancelling lessons with IMKEDA, having cold feet against driving in KL. And while I passed my driving test, I refused to touch the wheel ever again.
Miraculously, two short events changed my life… And put many people in danger (ke?) for quite some time, I think. Kauthar would attest to that.
One, was one day, we were in the car coming back from a program- me with my murabbi when suddenly out of the blue, one of them posed the question- “Apa kata Alya beli kereta?”
Honestly, while my lips muttered a quiet yes, all I thought was how ridiculous the idea was. Not only did I not drive, I did not even like it!
Huu. end of event number 1.
Event number 2.
One fine day, during summer holidays in Malaysia.
The phone rang, and bibik came running to me in the kitchen, saying it was for me. Which was weird, since most of my friends knew my mobile number. It was a kakak, who was the mas’ulah of our big summer program then, who took my number from the database we filled in before coming home for summer- hence the use of the house number.
“Aliyyah, awak datang program kita kat Alang Sedayu tu kan?”
“Datang!”
“Haa. Awak ada kereta kan, jadi runner ya.”
If my eyeballs could really bulge out of its socket, it would. Me? Me, the Aliyyah who remembers not the function of the gear. Me, who hasn’t driven for 3 magnificent years.
“Akak, saya dah 3 tahun tak drive..”
“Awak ada kereta kan? Parents awak mesti bagi awak keluar kan? Lesen hidup kan? Haa then apa lagi? Boleh ya. Akak takde orang lain ni..”
Hurm…
That marked, the start of the journey, of how pure hatred slowly dissolved, and a love formed between wafa’ and her owner…
In it, is a deep lesson. An enlightening journey, a beautiful experience..
It is a story of a human’s potential. To change. Of islah. Of hijrah- from a state deep down below the sea level, to emerge victorious for the sake of Allah.
to be continued…Barangsiapa berhijrah di jalan Allah, niscaya mereka mendapati di muka bumi ini tempat hijrah yang luas dan rezeki yang banyak. Barangsiapa keluar dari rumahnya dengan maksud berhijrah kepada Allah dan Rasul-Nya, kemudian kematian menimpanya (sebelum sampai ke tempat yang dimaksud), maka sungguh telah tetap pahalanya di sisi Allah. Dan adalah Allah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang. (4:100)
cognitive behavioural therapy..
by admin on Feb.11, 2010, under MbChB, life tadabbur
(and I always hate the dilemma of putting a u in behaviour or not- the born American, but English bred me can’t decide on either one)
is teaching yourself new ways of thinking and behaving. Well, in essence. You can google up the 3-sentence worth of definition, which, for a person with average IQ, will be cut down to as what I said.
That was part of what we learnt today in the anxiety disorder tutorial.
And if anyone’s familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous, they use a 12-step approach to managing alcohol dependence. Which works perfectly, if and only if, you are willing to accept the first step. Yeah, there’s a catch. You have to at least believe in a ‘higher power’, be what it may- God, love, nature.
And my daily shot of Riyadhus Salihin today came to this page;
31. Dari Anas r.a., katanya: “Nabi s.a.w. berjalan melalui seorang wanita yang sedang
menangis di atas sebuah kubur. Beliau bersabda: “Bertaqwalah kepada Allah dan
bersabarlah!” Wanita itu berkata: “Ah, menjauhlah daripadaku, kerana Tuan tidak terkena
mushibah sebagaimana yang mengenai diriku dan Tuan tidak mengetahui mushibah apa
itu.” Wanita tersebut diberitahu – oleh sahabat beliau s.a.w. – bahwa yang diajak bicara tadi
adalah Nabi s.a.w. Ia lalu mendatangi pintu rumah Nabi s.a.w. tetapi di mukanya itu tidak
didapatinya penjaga-penjaga pintu. Wanita itu lalu berkata: “Saya memang tidak mengenai
Tuan – maka itu maafkan pembicaraanku tadi.” Kemudian beliau s.a.w. bersabda:
“Hanyasanya bersabar – yang sangat terpuji – itu ialah di kala mendadaknya kedatangan
mushibah yang pertama.” (Muttafaq ‘alaih)
Dalam riwayat Muslim disebutkan: “Wanita itu menangisi anak kecilnya – yang mati.”
I don’t know what conclusion I am drawing but I am lonely, sick of eating the same lauk since Isnin, and currently hating Taunton. So this was what I thought- it is all in the mind! So mari buat CBT atas diri sendiri menggunakan qur’an sunnah dan himmah yang tinggi…
seperti belajar kerana 3 minggu sebelum exam anda akan sibuk dengan perkara-perkara lain. dan sabar. dan tidur.
dan mari mula belajar untuk june exam, mari berusaha dengan ihsan!
ok break’s over, like that lady who had generalized anxiety disorder said, it.is.just.my.thoughts.this.will.not.kill.me
Yes! medicine will not kill me, and will not drain my energy! Allahuakbar!
Allah gives and gives and gives…
by admin on Feb.10, 2010, under life tadabbur
And you are still ungrateful.
Huu astaghfirullah..
Yesterday, after the ecstasy of good news in the morning, went to my ward round, got a patient for my long case, was psyched to study his notes when I received bad news. And bad would be an understatement. I was horrified. I went home and was in absolute shell-shock for the rest of the night.
But today, managed to talk to zauji after a few days being in the dark due to him finishing his thesis and then heard some improvement on the scenario, got my results (I passed alhamdulillah though there were 200 reasons running in my mind why Allah could fail me) and managed to settle some things on tamrin nisa’ and cooking for sunday’s programme and here I am! Ready to rock and roll with psychiatry for the rest of the evening.
As I was in my sujud this morning, with the ever ready list of things to ask, no, not ask, plead and cajole and negotiate from Allah, I was thinking how I never fail to have a list. It used to be UPSR, then PMR, then SPM, then university, then passing every year. Not to mention the ever always maghfirah (though the promise of turning a new leaf never occurs), masuk syurga (and yet fail to improve after so many years of praying) and etcetera. Of course there’s more jugak. Personal ones, some transient ones, some periodic, and the list continues.
But partly, that defines who we are, doesn’t it? We have nothing. Allah has everything, the All-Powerful; Al Aziz, the one who gives generously without returns; Al Wahhaab.
He is the one who listens to prayers, and the only one who has the power to make things happen.
Yet, as we cajole, plead and negotiate, and cries in asking for his mercy, we leave that on the prayer mat. As soon as the sujud ends, the solah ends, we are the ‘powerful one’, the ‘one who makes things happen.’
And while Allah gives and gives and gives…
We, just, never learn.
Allah-lah yang telah menciptakan langit dan bumi dan menurunkan air hujan dari langit, kemudian Dia mengeluarkan dengan air hujan itu berbagai buah-buahan menjadi rezeki untukmu; dan Dia telah menundukkan bahtera bagimu supaya bahtera itu berlayar di lautan dengan kehendak-Nya, dan Dia telah menundukkan (pula) bagimu sungai-sungai.
QS. Ibrahim (14) : 32Dan Dia telah menundukkan (pula) bagimu matahari dan bulan yang terus menerus beredar (dalam orbitnya); dan telah menundukkan bagimu malam dan siang.
QS. Ibrahim (14) : 33Dan Dia telah memberikan kepadamu (keperluanmu) dari segala apa yang kamu mohonkan kepadanya. Dan jika kamu menghitung nikmat Allah, tidaklah dapat kamu menghinggakannya. Sesungguhnya manusia itu, sangat zalim dan sangat mengingkari (nikmat Allah).
QS. Ibrahim (14) : 34
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